Have you ever had the need to make a call, and your phone is searching....for signal?

Searching.....Searching....Searching...and all that searching....will eat up your battery bars!

Spiritually speaking....that's where I feel I'm standing at this point.

Searching....i'm out of range...I can't feel God's reception....but spiritually....I'm searching....to the point where my battery/faith....is running low.

How is it that Spiritually strong people never run out of reception, no matter what part of the woods they travel?

But that's the thing...I feel...I'm deep in the woods...spiritually speaking...and for as long as I stay lost...I will not have reception and my battery will run out...and I'll never gain that connection..I am so desperately searching for...

Christians say that "God loves us". But they don't understand that in order to feel God's love...we have to feel his presence. How can we feel his presence...when our spiritual reception is....searching...searching...searching...to no avail.

Christians or people of faith tell us to make it a matter of prayer.
Prayer? How can we pray when it feels like we are praying to a god of stone? I need prayer, more then I need anything in life. I don't know what to request in prayer, but I do know that I desperately need it.

The devil is everywhere and he makes his presence known. Why is it easier to not only see but feel the devil's presence...much more so then God's presence? Why is his presence available to all mankind, but God's presence is limited to the rest of us?

What if not feeling God's presence is the result of me turning my back on God at some point? Is that sin...forgivable? Can we be forgiven for such a crime?

I get so angry at myself....for allowing myself to get so far out of range that now I can't even feel a little bit of God's presence within my heart/soul.

It's not like I'm not trying...I'm not only asking in prayer..but begging for direction...it's not like I'm not doing my part...because as God is my Witness... I AM searching...reaching out...asking...on bended knee, and persevering in prayer or exaltation to God for his love, forgiveness and comfort.

Still....I feel so hollow inside my soul. I feel an emptiness and a distance between what is good and what is God. You may wonder why I'm taking it so hard. Why can't I accept that God isn't accepting me as his child, most people move on...

Well....I can't move on...I want God in my life. I want his forgiveness and his unconditional love. But..does God really provide unconditional love to his children? Is it conditional? Does he make himself available if you are not the person he expects you to be and follow his rules and regulations?

Sigh....Why am I trying to understand what is not understandable. Why am I trying to find a solution or a code to getting closer to God himself? Is it in my heart? Do I just want it because I don't have it?

Is it rejection to the core? I feel in my heart the need to be accepted by God...I feel the need to run into God's loving arms and having him hold me like an earthly father holds his child.

I feel the need to ask God to forgive me for all my sins...and making me new...Isn't that what we need to do, in order to feel God's presence? In my heart...I have repented, in my heart...I want to be part of his loving family. In my heart....I want to be one of God's children.

Searching.....searching....searching...but there is no reception...perhaps...I'm walking the wrong path...perhaps...I'm get further away from his flock...and wandering among those who are not part of his world.